Quotes by Steven Wright

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
It’s a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.