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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't report it. The thief spends less than my wife.
She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast!
It’s a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
8 quotes